Breath of Heaven

This morning, I was getting ready for church when I turned on Christian radio on the internet. With the Christmas music season upon us, they were playing "Breath of Heaven" performed by Amy Grant. The memories that stirred within me as I listened to that beautiful song brought tears to my eyes.

In 1994, after a devastating unexpected divorce, I found myself the single mom of a terrific six year old girl, Chelsi. I spent nine years raising her on my own and there were times when I wondered if I was up for the task. I loved her so much and yet felt inadequate to be mom AND dad to her. God had entrusted me with her and I didn't want to let either of them down. I remember driving to and from work listening to Amy Grant sing "Breath of Heaven" on my tape player in the car. Though I know this song expressed the fears and doubts of Mary as she carried the Son of God in her womb, I could relate to two specific verses...

I am waiting

in a silent prayer;

I am frightened,

by the load I bear

In a world as cold as stone,

Must I walk this path alone

Be with me now

Be with me now

Do you wonder, as you watch my face,

If a wiser one should have had my place?

But I offer all I am.

For the mercy of your plan.

Help me be strong

Help me be

Help me

I recall the tears streaming down my face as I'd drive down the snowy road and sing this song as a prayer. I was always comforted and warmed by the refrain as I sang...

Breath of Heaven

Hold me together

Be forever near me

Breath of Heaven

Breath of Heaven

Lighten my darkness

Pour over me your holiness

For you are holy

Breath of Heaven.

It was times like this that I found my relationship with God become more intimate, dependent and more powerful. I found that I could completely rely on God for strength to hold me up when I couldn't do it myself. Just as Gabriel had told Mary, I knew: "...nothing is impossible with God." (Luke 1:37)

I wouldn't trade that time for anything. It was then that I fell in love with Him.

Come on along...

It was tough deciding on a name for a blog. This is really my first attempt at such a thing. As I look at the title, I think "Walk with Lauri" reminds me of "Walk with God". Sounds kind of arrogant. Make no mistake, this lady walks with God, so when you come on my journey, we have company.

Walking with me can be an interesting journey...I tend to trip a lot. Take for instance this past September: On September 11, I was walking from the parking lot of my church to the door when the walkway to the door had an ever-so-slight raise to it that I did not see. You guessed it...KERPLOP!!! I fell on my knees. Unfortunately, my right knee took most of the blow and ended up breaking my knee cap into three pieces.



Over a period of 2 1/2 months, I have endured casts, braces, wheelchair, crutches, and surgery...not to mention an enormous amount of pain. Now I find myself trying to bend a knee that has been immobile for over two months.

When this all began, I couldn't understand why God would allow this to happen. (Note: I don't believe He caused it, but I do believe He allowed it) I know that God works to good all things to those who love Him and are called according to His purpose, according to Romans 8:28, and I wanted to know NOW!!! But it hasn't been that simple. There have been so many blessings along with the struggle. I have gotten to know people at my church who have reached out to me and my husband Tony with food, emails of encouragement and prayers; I have learned of the commitment and love of my husband in a newer way; I have developed an insatiable appetite for God's word that has caused me to spend this down time studying and growing in God's truths; I have had friends from other cities go out of there way to come and see me; and God has caused me to face fears that have plagued me all my life.

This, as all accidents, was not in my plans. I am a seminary student who had very specific plans for my education and future as a chaplain and there was a time line...my time line. But, as I hope you will see through my blog, my time line, my plans are not necessarily God's. Even though I am a student, my education goes far beyond the walls of that seminary. God is teaching me. God is my professor. God is my reason for all that I do.

I want so much for my life to honor and glorify Him. Whether I serve as a chaplain or a wife or a neighbor or simply someone standing in a grocery store checkout line, I want my life to honor Him. But, as I said before, I tend to trip...but then don't we all??

Until next time...