Tuesday morning, I had the manipulation under anesthesia done on my knee as scheduled. It went very well and my knee is bending so much better now. None the less, there is still a lot of work to do; it is not easy and is quite painful. Part of the process is physical therapy. I have had to meet with my physical therapist every day since I had the manipulation done. It is in this work that I have experienced a lesson in trust...
As part of the therapy, my physical therapist has me lay on my back on the therapy table. She stands next to the table on the side of the bad leg. With my good knee bent, foot flat on the table, she places her hand on my good knee which produces her arm as an extended support. She drapes my bad knee over her arm and applies pressure at the front of my ankle to produce more flexion. Whimpering from me often happens when she does this but as I've learned to relax and trust her, I've found that it doesn't hurt near as bad and in fact the stretch actually feels good. The problem comes when I fight her. When I feel that bit of pain and start tensing my muscles trying to protect myself from the pain, I don't get as much stretch and the pain is excruciating. Even though my instincts are saying that I am protecting myself, keeping myself from being hurt; I am actually hindering the healing, slowing the process and making it much worse for me.
Then I realize how I do that with God. Watching the DVD study, "Living Beyond Yourself" by Beth Moore this morning, she talked about faith. She talked about how faith is often built during the through times. The times when we actually have to go through the tough times, the trials, the pain is when faith is really built. She called it "through faith". We make it hard on ourselves when we resist God because it hurts, it's hard or we're afraid. I know laying on that table, some of my fight comes from merely the fear of it hurting.
How often do we slow the healing process, delay the growth or simply get stuck because what God is taking us through hurts or we're simply afraid it's going to hurt?? We begin to resist, fight it and make it much harder than it has to be. When we can learn to relax and trust God, we can experience true healing and grow in faith...through faith.
I remember talks when you'd tell me stuff like this. We never stop learning, and this is a lesson I have to keep re-learning.
ReplyDeleteSo true; the founder of Voices of the Martyrs has said that there is something about suffering that is preparing us for our role in heaven. I don't understand all that, but I know that pain teaches, and I do well to listen to what God is telling me in those seasons.
ReplyDeletePraying for your recovery, friend!
For me, it's always the fear of the pain (which, you're 100% correct is often WORSE than the actual pain itself) that holds me back. I pray that someday I will get to the point where I welcome the opportunity to grow closer to God, whether the experience is pleasant or painful.
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