Through The Eyes of My Father

Yesterday, I enjoyed a wonderful day with my daughter, Chelsi. We went to Brown County and did some shopping, walking, had a nice lunch and just enjoyed each other. As is common on such a venture, I took my camera and we got a couple pics. Here are two of them...

This is me outside a shop with a big stuffed dog (no, it's not real :))

This is Chelsi having lunch at a place called, "The Ordinary"

As most of us do, when I got home I looked at the pictures and began to pick myself apart. Noticing every flaw and staring at the pictures as I listed everything wrong with me in my head. From my weight to the signs that I'm getting older, I hacked myself apart. It left me with a feeling of shame and discouragement.

As I lay in bed last night thinking about this, I sensed God speaking to me and pointing out the things He looked at and what joy it brought Him...

• He saw a woman thoroughly enjoying a day with her daughter.
• He saw a mom who adores her child.
• He saw my childlike joy when I found a statue that made me smile and that it was 50% off.
• He saw His child laughing so hard her stomach hurt.
• He saw His bride who, though distracted with the things around her, was still so in love with Him it was constantly on her mind and in her heart.
• He saw His child beautifully and wonderfully made in His image.

Those are the eyes I want to see myself through. This world puts such an emphasis on the outside that, in all reality, is temporary. But God.... The next time you look at a picture of yourself and begin the demolition, remember this verse...

"...the Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."      I Samuel 16:7b

Will It Be Like This??

I know...two postings in one day!!

Today I saw the following video posted on a friend's facebook. I had to share it with you and I promise you, you will cry. So get the hankys...

After watching this beautiful clip, I couldn't help but think of Jesus. Will it be like this when He returns for us?? Will we be going about our day when all of the sudden out of the corner of our eye, we see a glimpse of Him, only to look up and realize that He is standing right in front of us?? Will we stop what we're doing and putting our hands over our mouths begin to weep?? Or will we drop everything and run to Him with our arms outstretched?? And will he snatch us up and hold us tightly in His arms as we lay our weary head on His strong shoulder?? Will He comfort us as only a loving Father can and tell us how much He loves us as He kisses away our tears??

Watch this clip again with some of these thoughts in mind and may you fall in love with Him like never before.

A Rad Step

Continuing with my story...when I last left off here, I was pretty discouraged. I didn't know what God had for me, I felt useless and frustrated.

I have had an ongoing problem with my neck, shoulders and back for years. Surgery to fuse C5 and C6 in my neck, sciatica, arthritis, muscle pain... You get the idea. In 2004ish, the low back pain I was experiencing caused me to seek help from my doc and ended up in having to have an MRI. When I went to the hospital to have the MRI, I was taken back to a room to change my clothes for the procedure. They gave me scrubs. Never had that happen before. As I finished changing into the scrubs, I looked in the mirror and it just seemed right. Me wearing scrubs seemed right.

As I lay in the tube with my ear plugs in, hearing the click-a-click, BRRRRRR, etc. of the MRI. I got thinking that I could do this. I wondered if God was telling me this was where He wanted me to go. I began praying asking Him because I was so confused as to what I was to do with my life that I didn't want to be off track. I told Him, "God, if this is you, please put the same idea into my husband's head. Let him confirm this."

I got done with the MRI and as my husband and I headed out to the car, he said, "How much do you suppose MRI techs make??" I thought this to be an odd question and yet, might it be the confirmation I was looking for?? I said, "I don't know. Why??"

"Well, I was just thinking while I was sitting in the waiting room, you could do that." he said.

CONFIRMATION!!!

We began discussing this quite seriously and I found my first step to this goal was to take the prerequisite courses for Radiology Techonoligist. Then take the courses to become a Radiology Tech, then pursue MRI. Easy!!

I took my pre-req courses at IVY Tech where I had a straight A average. I applied, interviewed and was accepted into the the Radiology Tech program in Fall of 2005. The course work was demanding but the clinical work was something else....

Over a period of 2 semesters, I served at a hospital in a nearby small town. I did chest films, arms, hands, feet, legs, kidneys, bladders, etc. I met some very sweet people.

Most notable were the elderly folks. They were often brought in for x-rays and tests that they really didn't want any part of. I recall one patient in particular who was an in-patient. I was called upon to go to her room with another rad tech and wheel her down for a CT scan. When I got up there, she had been given a "major cleansing", if you will, for an abdominal x-ray. The laxatives they had given her were still working and we had a mess. The nurses while helpful, were overcome with the giggles as they struggled with her and she began to cry. My heart went out to her. I wanted to comfort her and make her feel better but there was no room for me as the nurses did their job. Once they got her cleaned up, we wheeled her down to the CT scanner. As we waited with her for her turn on the machine, I stood next to her bed and looked at her with as much compassion and respect as I could. She was quiet...very quiet. I told her everything was going to be ok. After the CT was done, we took her back to her room. I made an extra effort to make sure she was comfortable and to serve her in such a way that she knew that I knew she was special and worthy of great respect.

There were so many patients I met including a man who had fallen from a ladder at a construction site and had broken several bones in his body. He was in so much pain but tried to be as pleasant and polite as possible. I wanted to hear his story. I wanted to know what was going on in his mind. I knew he was scared, angry and frustrated. I felt so bad for him.

Then there was a woman that was brought into the ER for chest pains. She was quite large, morbidly obese to the point that she was given a special bed to hold her. I followed my supervisor down to the ER to assist in a portable chest x-ray. The woman was so scared. As we finished up her films, she said, "Please pray for me." I wanted to drop everything and do it but my supervisor said, "Come on, Lauri" And then "We will." over her shoulder as she left the room. I wanted to run back. I wanted to sit with this woman so she wasn't alone. I was frustrated.

Into the second semester of Rad Tech, it became abundantly clear that my body was not able to keep up with the demands of this program. (The MRI I had done revealed a herniated disk at L4 and L5) I can't tell you how many times I nearly dropped an elderly person as they stood for an x-ray holding onto me and then dropping dead weight on me. My back would feel such strain when I helped transfer a patient from bed to gurney. My neck, my back...just couldn't handle it. I also had trouble with vertigo and after my supervisor saw me walk into enough walls, corners, doors, etc. she had to say something. She told me she knew I was in pain, she worried about me not only walking but driving home with my balance problem. I couldn't keep up with her as she walked quickly down the halls because of arthritis in my feet (yeah, I'm a mess). So, we decided this wasn't for me.

Because of the demand it was putting on me, I was actually relieved. But, once again more and more confused as to what God wanted from me...