The good, the bad and the ugly of 2009...

Well, it seems to be the trend to write an end of the year blog. Makes sense. Think I'll do the same...

2009 has been a very tough year for me. Two very significant trials came upon me this year that have changed me forever. First, in April, I lost my mom to a life long battle with scoliosis. I have attended seminars and classes on grief in my pursuit of ministry as a chaplain, yet nothing could prepare me for the grief I felt after losing her. The grief is teaching me. THANK GOD!! Now, when I face a family in crisis, I can KNOW what they're feeling. Then there was September that brought an accident in which I fell and broke my knee cap. I am still recovering from that and am scheduled for a procedure in January where my doctor will put me under anesthetic and bend my knee which can now only bend at 62 degrees. It has been a painful process. Frustrating...you have no idea. I've had to put seminary on hold and my life for that matter. But during that time, God has been teaching me about Him, His word and caused me to face things about myself. It's really been a life changing experience.

Many years ago, when my husband left me and my daughter, I learned how trials and storms bring us closer to God. They change us. They weaken us so that God can be stronger. They make us dependent on Him and our spirit grows and learns and in His strength becomes stronger. We learn about His mercy and grace. We learn that He is God and we are not. Looking back on my divorce and single parenthood, I would do it all over again to have the dependence on God I have today. I fell in love with Him then and the new trials are just making that love and dependence that much deeper.

Yesterday, I was watching the movie, "Rocky Balboa". In it, Rocky was talking to his son about life being hard and he said, "It's not about how hard you hit (keep in mind, Rocky is a fighter) but how hard life can hit you and you still move forward." Ain't it the truth. But, I'm certain you can't move forward without the strength, love and guidance of God. This reminded me of a little movie I saw this year called, "The Butterfly Circus". My favorite line from this movie was, "The harder the struggle, the more glorious the triumph". I know none of these trials this year will go to waste.

On the other hand, there have been many blessings that deserve and require mention....

My husband Tony and I were baptized at our church back in January. We had both been sprinkled in our pasts but this was by immersion. What an awesome experience that was!!! I had been so proud and so self-conscious in my past that I avoided it...I'm ashamed to say. But, since I've done it, I would do it again and again. To be baptized the way my Jesus was is an AWESOME experience!!!!!

Even though the circumstances were hard, I officiated my first funeral. Yes, it was my mom's. But I had shared with her before she died what I was going to say and do and she loved it!! I had her full approval and knowing that made it so much easier to stand before family and friends and share our faith and celebrate her life. I know God was with me that day and he blessed my efforts with success.

I also preached my first sermon!! That had a profound effect on me. I wept for a day after I did that. I felt God's call on me for teaching and preaching and wasn't sure I was worthy or able to answer such a call. But, I learned that God has made me well able to do whatever He calls me to do. I am open to His plans.

My husband has begun playing his drums again after packing away his sticks over 20 years ago. He was a gifted drummer in his younger days but had given up ever doing it again. Then one day at church, our music director announced that our worship team needed a drummer. I knew those quiet drums were up there waiting for him. I told him that often. It made him uncomfortable but he couldn't deny God's call. He is now in the practicing, getting rid of the rust and refining his talents stage and should be playing for the church worship team very soon!!!

My family has discovered that we are expecting a new member to our clan!! My niece is pregnant and should be hatching around May. After the loss of Mom, the thought of new life in our family is very welcome. May God bless this precious child!!

I am hopeful for 2010. I can take the lessons I've learned in 2009 with me and grow even more. As for resolutions...of course I have one. That is to get control of my body again. Being laid up with a knee that won't bend and gaining weight from the inactivity really makes you appreciate mobility. I want to take better care of myself. It's more than just weight loss...it's about being stronger, being healthier, not being in pain all the time because I don't exercise or take care of myself. It's about not taking my body (which is the temple of the Holy Spirit) for granted. I'll keep y'all posted on this progress.

May you all have a wonderful 2010!!